But when I die, I die happy
by Styko
Summary: Marauder's time: Severus receives a dreadful letter which might be his social downfall. Unfortunately he loses it - to his worst to his biggest enemy. What will he do to get it back? Better summary inside! - One shot


Title: But when I die, I die happy 

**2nd title**: I hate this plan

**Genre:** Comedy, Parody, in a way Slash, but only in a way o.O

**Pairing:** SiriusXSeverus (in a way…)

**Warnings:** com, silly, OOC, really strange

**Summary:** Marauder's time: Severus receives a letter which might be his social downfall – anyway, he thinks so. Trying to get rid of it as fast as possible his well known misfortune comes back: He loses it – to his worst to his biggest enemy. But fortunately Sirius doesn't seem to notice and Severus has a chance to return it. How will Severus and Bellatrix do this? What ways will they go, what things will they do? And what's that about Bellatrix' plan Severus hates so much? 

**Note:** Whow… I don't know how or when I had the idea for this story o.O Must be at night, 'cause I always get my strange ideas at night^^' I also don't know why I wrote this story in English (I'm German and usually write in German^^')… I think I've read to much English fan fictions that night and so I had the desire to write it in this language… *shrugs* Anyways, here's the result and I hope you like it. Because English isn't my native language, it's sometimes a bit difficult for me to write something in the way I mean it (do you know what I mean?! o.O) but I did my best^^' 

Uhm… what else..? Ah, yes, Bellatrix. I don't really know whether she was in one grade with Severus or not, but as Sirius said in the fourth book something about that Severus had always been in company with a group of students who became Death Eaters later on and Bellatrix was mentioned, I thought they have the same age. 

Oh, and in this story Sirius' and Bellatrix's mothers are sisters (I think in reality their fathers were brothers, but I needed the mothers to be sisters, you'll see why^^')

Well, I think that was it, I hope you enjoy it and perhaps write a review^^ (I'd be glad^^) 

**Thanks to:** Amaroq for beta reading^^ *hugs*

**Disclaimer: **Harry Potter and its characters belong to J.K. Rowling, I just borrow them and don't earn any money with them. The content of the story is mine and when you don't like it, please ignore it (I don't mind real criticism, but I don't want any flames or something similar)

**Feedback to: **Simbakatha@aol.com or here in the reviews 

But when I die, I die happy 

"Merlin, Severus! Don't fret so much about it! It isn't such bad…" Bellatrix rolled her eyes. 

"Yes it is! And if certain persons get to know, I can bury myself!" Severus' dark eyes stared down on the letter for a while, then they surveyed the environment to make sure that nobody was observing him. With a fast movement he folded the piece of parchment and stuck it between the directory pages of his Transfiguration book. 

Bellatrix followed these movements with a grin, but suppressed it as well as she could as the other one finally looked at her. 

"You find that funny, don't you?!"

"No…" But her suppressed grin told him she was lying. 

Severus sighed, irritated. Then he lowered his voice and hissed, "If you tell anyone about this letter, then be sure, I will kill you the cruelest way you can't even imagine!"

"Sure!" She still grinned, knowing he would never do her any harm. But as sure as she was about this, he knew she wouldn't tell anybody. They had a special kind of friendship and neither of them liked to lose it. But as they were Slytherins, they would never admit this and treated each other in a kind of teasing way. 

"So, what will you do now?" she asked after they passed some first-class children of Hufflepuff, who backed off from the two seven year Slytherins. 

"Burn it! Immediately! So, come on, we have to go to the common room."

"Yeah, yeah, don't rush so much. We've got all the time we need."

"No! Every minute this letter exists is a bad min—"

PLONG!

Severus couldn't finish his sentence because he had just collided with someone's very Gryffindor-looking black head, who – to his worst – was also named after his hair colour. 

"Whow, Snivellus. There're things with which you can see where to go, you know?! They're called eyes! You've got a pair of them. So, JUST OPEN THEM FOR MERLIN'S SAKE!" 

Sirius barked the last words, a look in his eyes which was, even for colliding with Severus, strangely annoyed. 

"Thanks for your explanation, but I think, you should follow your advice first yourself, before you give it somebody else!" Also, Severus was much more aggressive than usual. 

Both black haired boys stared with pure disgust into the other's eyes, till their friends interrupted them. Bellatrix and James were a bit surprised over the aggressiveness of their two friends. 

"Okay, I think we should go. Come on, Paddy!" James reached with one hand for Sirius' arm, with the other for his book, which had fallen down as he collided with Severus. 

"Yeah, we should, too." The Slytherin too grabbed an arm and a book and pulled the boy with her. 

"Oh man," she began as the two Gryffindors were out of sight. "Really cool today, Sev." 

Severus growled. "Out of all people, he's the last who has to know about this… this… you know what."

"Yeah, yeah…"

"Don't always say _'yeah, yeah.'_ I know you aren't serious when you say that."

"Oh, I'm never _'sirius'_ when I say anything."

"Great joke..." His voice was pure sarcasm. 

"I know."

He could just sigh. Then he changed places and pulled her faster through the corridors, down to the dungeons and in the common room. 

"So, and now I will burn this goddamn letter!" He adjusted his book and stood in front of the fire. Bellatrix stood beside him, an uninterested look in her eyes, but following the movements of her friend. "Yeah, my goddamn misfortune! Burn! Burn, baby, burn!"

"You know, Sev, that you can be real scary from time to time…" She hoisted an eyebrow and earned an evil grin.

"Sure, that's my—" He broke as he opened the book, only able to stare on the empty space between the directory pages. Bellatrix blinked as she saw it.

"Where's the letter gone?"

And Severus' eyes got wide as plates as he realized. "This isn't _MY_ book!"

~ ~ ~

"Okay… I push him and you get the book! Understood?!"

"You don't really call this a plan, do you?!"

"Yes, I do. And now stop getting on my nerves." 

Bellatrix sighed. "With this plan, you should have been sorted into Hufflepuff and not into Slytherin." She continued before he could say anything. "C'mon, Sev, you're a Slytherin. We're cruel, we're snaky, we're artful. We don't do such dump plans like this."

"Do you have a better one?!"

"No, you were always the one with the great plans, so please calm down and think!"

"But I need this letter back!"

Another desperate sigh. After he had realised that he must have interchanged books with Sirius', he had been running through the whole common room, crying some incomprehensible things and had just calmed down as she knocked him out with a spell. Now, as they were standing there, secretly observing her cousin and his best friend, Severus started to renew his panic phase. She didn't want to knock him once again. Especially not in public. The common room had fortunately been abandoned at this time, so nobody witnessed his first panic attack. But if he would get another one, here in the halls of the first floor, it even could be more embarrassing than Sirius reading the letter. 

"Will you help me now or not?" Severus sounded impatient. 

"I won't help you making a fool of yourself."

"Then you let me down?!"

"No, I will hold you back - if necessary with force - but I definitively won't let you disgrace yourself." 

"But if he finds the letter…!"

"He won't look into the book till next week."

"Why?"

"'Cause he's having Transfiguration first on Monday and as far as I got to know from Evans, they haven't any homework. Tomorrow there is Hogsmeade Day and my dear cousin is definitively not the person who looks voluntarily into a schoolbook on Sunday. So he won't find the letter and we've got time to create a good plan."

Severus looked several moments at her, suspiciously and not really convinced. Then he sighed and gave in, but still really reluctant. 

"I don't know what concerns me more. You speaking with Evans or McGonagall not giving homework."

Bellatrix just rolled her eyes. Severus grumbled and followed her at last. 

"When I'll be made ridiculous in the whole school, I will blame _you_ for that!"

"Yeah, yeah." 

He just snarled. 

~ ~ ~

"So, well. What are we going to do?"

"Why do you ask me? You're the big plan-maker!"

The black haired boy stared at her for a moment, forgetting to put the potatoes on his plate, although he still had them on a spoon in the air. 

"I _had_ a plan and you made me drop it!" he said indignantly, almost shouting.

"Yeah, a dump and stupid plan," she answered soberly. "Go and make a better one. One which is more… Slytherin-like…"

Severus thought a moment. "Okay, I'll kill him and take my book."

Bellatrix sighed. "Not so much Slytherin-like. I don't think you want to be sent to Azkaban, do you?!"

"I'd rather go to Azkaban than be mocked by this letter…"

"Oh dear… you're too jaundiced, do you know that?!"

"Yeah… bad childhood you know…"

"Yeah, I know, you always complain about when I criticise habits of yours."

Severus shrugged. "Well, I can't say anything for my education, so I have to blame my parents."

"I don't think your parents are bad like this."

"You don't know them…"

"Right."

"If you knew them, you would know I'm right…"

"I hate to discuss with you…"

"Why?"

"'Cause you always want to have the last word!"

Once more he shrugged. "Well, I'm used to it. I always get it." She just sighed.  

~ ~ ~

They ate in silence, Severus glancing at the Gryffindor Table from time to time, Bellatrix looking directly at her 

cousin.

"Don't you think it's a bit conspicuous when you look straight at him?!" Again his voice was filled with sarcasm.

"Oh, I don't think he realizes it…" She put the fork into her mouth without taking the look from Sirius at the other side of the hall.

"Yeah, he's too dump to realizing anything…"

Bellatrix smirked. "Why do you always offend my family?"

"'Cause he _is_ an idiot and anyway you don't come along with him."

"Well, I don't hate him…"

"… but you don't like him either…"

"Yeah… but he's still a part of my family."

"Oh man, you and your family pride… it can be real annoying…"

"Don't offend me just because you have such a hate against your family."

"I don't hate my family. I just hate my parents."

"Your family consists only of your parents…" she said soberly. 

"And?"

"When you hate your parents, you hate your whole family, for Merlin's sake!" She was a bit irritable.

"No reason to get aggressive…"

Bellatrix resigned. There were moments when her friend could anger her to death. For some time she silently watched her cousin. How he whispered with the Potter guy and glanced several times to the Slytherin table. He didn't seem to notice her observing him, although he was looking into her direction. So the only other aim could be…

She looked beside her, but Severus didn't remark. She rethought the circumstances for a minute. Sirius was more aggressive than usual towards Severus. Then he was glancing at him all the time. And now – as she just reminded - he blushed a bit as Potter said something to him, the blue eyes steadily on the black haired Slytherin beside her. Bellatrix knew this behaviour. Evan Rosier and Sheila Langston had also behaved like this some weeks ago. An evil grin appeared on her lips as she had the idea of a real great plan.

"I know what we'll do!" she almost cried out triumphantly. 

Severus - not expecting this - winced, then stared at her, not knowing what she meant.

"Huh?"

"How we get your book back, dumbo. I've got the best plan ever!"

Something about her behaviour, especially her grin, told Severus that he wouldn't like this plan. Nevertheless he asked,

"And how?"

"Oh, it's real easy. We take advantage of his feelings for you."

"His feelings for me? He hates me! How can we avail this?!"

Bellatrix laughed, one of her evil, almost insane laughs. Severus hoisted an eyebrow. Slowly he got frightened. 

"You remember Evan and Sheila some weeks ago? How aggressive they were towards the other one?"

"Sure. One of her hexed plates hit me…"

"Yeah. It seemed as if they would hate each other. But now…"

"Now they always blocking the dormitory to do things in it I'd rather not imagine…"

Bellatrix laughed again. "That's the point. Sirius is behaving just the same way." 

"I don't really know what you mean." He lifted his glass and drank as the girl besides him finally explained.

"Merlin, Severus. Don't be so blind. He's got a crush on you!"

Severus spat out his pumpkin juice over the whole table.

~ ~ ~

After a coughing fit and almost choking, Severus stared at his friend, only able to croak,

"What?" 

"You've understood me. I think he has a crush on you. I don't see any other explanations for his behaviour. And he _is_ behaving strangely, there's no doubt." 

She craned her neck a bit to see her cousin better, then she looked again at the boy next to her. This still gazed unbelievingly.

"No, no, NO! He hasn't a crush on me. He _can't_ have a crush on me! I mean… Ohh!" He shivered with disgust as he took this thought into closer consideration. "Oh damn, I think I'm going to vomit…"

Bellatrix wanted to sigh irritably, but as she looked at the boy she noticed that he looked even paler than usual. Immediately she moved over two chairs. 

"Don't you dare throw up on me," she said with a threatening voice, pointing with her wand at him.

He just hissed through clenched teeth, "You shouldn't have told me after I ate," and was gone to the toilet.

Bellatrix sighed once more. She didn't really understand the differences between Severus and her cousin, but with this reaction from the other Slytherin, she knew it would be difficult to put her plan in action. Otherwise it would also be more fun. She grinned evilly and followed Severus to the toilet.

~ ~ ~

"Uh… I will never again eat anything in my life …" Severus stumbled out of the toilet, still greener in the face than his normal pale shine. 

Bellatrix just sighed and then linked arms with him to hold him on his feet. She pushed him through the corridors till they ended in the library. There they sat down in some chairs in the very corner of the room so that nobody would overhear them. After she checked that there was nobody near them, she began to explain her plan. 

"Okay, it's really easy…"

"I won't—"

"Ah, listen to me first before you interrupt me! And think of the letter! It's your only chance to get it back!"

Severus opened his mouth, but shut it without saying anything. He folded his arms, then leaned back to hear what the girl had to say.

"You won't have to do something disgusting. You just have to talk to him a bit."

"That's disgusting enough…"

A reproachful look and he was silent, but rolling his eyes.

"Just a bit of flirting. Talk with him. You can also ask him for some private lessons."

"In what?"

"Uh… I don't know… Potions?"

Severus hoisted an eyebrow and said soberly. "Potions is the only subject I'm better at than him…" 

"Well then Defence Against the Dark Arts… Herbology… or perhaps," her grin became evil, "some private lessons in sex?!"

"WHAT?!" His scream echoed through the whole library, making some students at the other end turn around. Bellatrix first just sniggered at Severus' scream, but as she saw his horrified and disgusted face she burst out into laughter, which she couldn't stop for the next few minutes. After she finally calmed down he still looked very horrified and the green tone on his face made her think he would vomit once again. Quickly the girl tried to relax him.

"Whow, it was just a joke, Sev. A joke! Okay?!"

He breathed out deeply, but his eyes were still wide. "Don't do such a joke once more, understood?!" The boy's finger pointed at her and his voice was threatening. Bellatrix suppressed the desire to grin and nodded. 

"Well, come on. We go." She took him by the arm and pulled him once more through the hallways. 

"Where?" he asked, not understanding anything and unable to peel away her hand. 

"To Sirius. Where else?!"

"But we haven't a real plan."

"Ah, we will extemporise…"

"What?!" She didn't answer. She wasn't in the mood for one of their endless discussions. 

~ ~ ~

"Okay, there he is, go and talk with him."

They were standing at a crossing on the first floor leering around the corner into the corridor at whose end Sirius and James stood, whistling hectically. The bigger one seemed a bit puzzled and helpless whereas the boy with the glasses was fighting hard against the laughter. 

"I don't want to talk with him…"

Severus' childish tone made her grin, but she tried to hide it. 

"C'mon! I'm with you. I'll give you rear cover. Whenever you will block or make a fool of yourself, I will help you out."

"It's real amazing how much faith you have in me."

"Yeah, yeah. Go now." And before he could say anything else, she had pushed him into the corridor.

Sirius and James stopped talking immediately, then James too pushed the other boy into the corridor, standing backwards and pretending to look somewhere else.

After some seconds they stood vis-à-vis, looking everywhere except at the other one. After some more seconds they still stood there, quiet and both not seeming to make the first step. 

Bellatrix, behind the corner, sighed and murmured a spell so that Severus was pushed forward, directly into Sirius' arms. That one looked a bit puzzled but was now able to speak. With what seemed like much effort he smiled and said in his friendliest voice,

"You should watch where to step. You're a bit scatterbrained today, aren't you?!"

"Erm… well… yes… I think I am…"

There was something Severus didn't like in this situation. And this was unfortunately the boy in front of him. But if he wanted to get back his book, he had to go through this. 

Again there was silence. Both boys seemed to search for the right words, but neither of them found them until—

"Well, Sirius, I think you two should have a date, shouldn't you?!" 

Sirius as well as Severus looked appalled as Bellatrix suddenly appeared behind her friend and smiled as innocently as she could. The black haired boy stared at his cousin, unable to say anything - just like his counterpart. 

"Yeah, I think so too. Perhaps tomorrow?!" 

They once again looked appalled, this time by James' appearance. He also smiled as he made his suggestion. But neither of the two relevant persons said anything; they only had very frightened looks on their faces. 

Bellatrix and James exchanged a look and finally went on. 

"Well, tomorrow would be good, but as some people here a bit shy, we should do a double date, shouldn't we?!"

The boy with the glasses looked first at his friend, then at the girl. She grinned and asked,

"What's with Evans?"

"Oh, she will be okay with this."

"Really?!" 

He nodded. "Well. Double-date?"

"Double-date," she agreed. 

"Where?"

"Three Broomsticks? Two o'clock?"

"Yeah, good time. See you then!" James took Sirius' arm and pulled him with as he headed for the corridor's end, waving back at Bellatrix who did the same with Severus, just in the other direction.

"So long." She also waved.

As they were going around the corner she released his arm, beaming at him.

"That's going perfectly good!"

But Severus was just able to form a desperate comment. "I hate this plan…"

~ ~ ~

The next day, briefly after midday, Bellatrix and Severus were on their way down to Hogsmeade. She had to pull him with, because he was reluctant to follow. 

"I can't believe I'm doing this…"

"Ah, you needn't believe it. You just must do it."

He scowled. 

"I hate my life…"

"Yeah, yeah…"

"I hate these words coming out of your mouth…" Finally he seemed to come back to his normal behaviour. 

"I know, but you have to deal with them. They're my favourites."

He shook his head, irritated. "Firstly, it's one word, in fact, not two—"

"Smart ass…" she crooned with a big grin.

"...and secondly," pretending not have heard her he went on, "I still hate this plan…"

"Why?! It's good!"

"It contains a date with _Black!_" He spat out the word like something disgusting which could make someone vomit just by mentioning it. Which it almost did, in Severus' case. 

Bellatrix sighed and proposed, "Then don't call it a date. See it as… a get-together with a friend!" She hoisted her eyebrows, expecting. Severus thought some seconds. Then he said with his most irritated voice,

"That doesn't make it much more attractive for me…"

The girl could only sigh. 

~ ~ ~

As they finally stood in front of the Three Broomsticks, Severus looked at the door as if his doom would wait for him behind it. 

"Severus," Bellatrix insisted, a bit angered. 

He looked at her with pure innocence in his eyes. "What?!"

"Ahhh! Come on and please stop behaving like a little child!!" Furious, she opened the door, pulling Severus not very gently by his arm with her, and clanging the door behind. 

Because it wasn't very late the pub was still empty and except for James, Sirius, and Rosmerta, there were only three other guests who watched, surprised, at the young woman's anger. 

Still angry, she sat down, trailing her friend. "Hi." 

James and Sirius were a bit gobsmacked about this unusual rage and just answered in unison, "Hi…" 

Severus remained silent, knowing she would explode if he said anything. 

Some minutes passed in silence. None of the boys had the courage to say something. Then Bellatrix realized that she and the other Slytherin had nothing to drink and she got up to fetch something. As she stood by the bar and chatted with Rosmerta, Sirius mumbled so that only the two other boys at the table could hear it,

"When my mother or hers were in this mood my father and my uncle always took flight…"

"Then we should do that, too?" asked James, a bit unsure by the tone of his best friend.

"No, no good idea…"

"Why?"

"Because then the two became just angrier and…" Sirius shuddered.

"And what?!" James insisted, but got his answer from Severus. 

"And his mother cursed his father with the 'Impotensius Curse.' "

Now, James shuddered too, knowing that this curse could make a man impotent his entire life. "She didn't really do this?!" Not believing the Slytherin, the boy with the glasses looked at his best friend. He just hoisted an eyebrow.

"Why do you think I've only one brother?"

James' mouth opened, but before he could say anything Bellatrix returned, apparently in a better mood. "Hey, guys, what are you talking about?!"

And certainly for the first time since they met all three of them were of the same opinion: "Nothing."

The girl just hoisted an eyebrow. 

~ ~ ~

The four students sat silently for a while, sipping at their drinks, considering what to say. Bellatrix was the first who broke the silence.

"By the way, Sirius, Severus is sorry for yesterday."

The black-haired Gryffindor blinked at his cousin, not knowing what she meant – just like the black-haired Slytherin who hadn't the faintest idea what he should be sorry for.

"Yeah, for banging together with you, you know." Once more she smiled as innocently as she could.

"Am I?" Severus asked with a hoisted eyebrow. Bellatrix stamped his foot. "Uh, yes I am…" He tried a smile but didn't succeed because of the pain. 

"Oh, it wasn't just his fault." James waved it aside. "Sirius was a bit confused yesterday and didn't look where he went." He leant forward to the girl and said quietly, "He was rebuffed by a girl and he isn't used to this." 

Sirius looked as if he wanted to contradict, but James gave him a look and he stayed quiet. 

Bellatrix, however, smiled – a bit evilly – and then nodded understandingly. "Yeah, the men in our family can be a bit childish when they don't get what they want."

Except for her cousin, who looked disgusted, the other boys grinned, but not very obviously, because they both well knew the anger of the Blacks. 

"Erm… we're sorry," James continued after a while. "But we can't stay very long. Lily wasn't as understanding as I thought, because I promised her a romantic lunch and he and Remus wanted to buy some solemn robes for the graduation party. Want to look doggy, you know." His smile was meaningful and only Severus understood the double entendre of the phrase. 

"Sure, no problem, but perhaps we could repeat this." 

"Yeah, why not?!"

Sirius as Severus had the unbearable desire to strangle their best friends, but they suppressed it. 

"Ah." Bellatrix's beaming smile showed the Slytherin boy that she had a brilliant idea – in her opinion, anyways. He knew more surely than everything else that _he_ would hate this idea. "You know, Sev is a bit bad at Transfiguration…"

Severus winced involuntarily, just as the other two boys, but neither of them seemed too concerned. Then James understood.

"Yeah? Well, it's a difficult subject… oh, perhaps Sirius could give him some private lessons!" 

This one wanted to say something, but James took a handful of peanuts and pushed them into his mouth. 

"What a splendid idea! When? Tomorrow?"

"Sure. Some special things?!"

"Oh, I think they can look together tomorrow. Brings them closer. And none of us have to worry about it today." Once more there was the innocent smile on the girl's lips. 

"Okay. When? Same time as today? In the library?"

"He'll be there!" She patted her best friend's back. Another hit in the ribs made him wave goodbye as the two Gryffindors were on their way out, James pulling the other one after him.  

"So long, till tomorrow! Don't be impolite, Paddy, say goodbye!" 

"Bye…" grumbled the bigger one, and then they were gone. 

Some seconds the Slytherins sat in silence, still watching the door. Finally Bellatrix turned her head, beamed and said, "That works perfectly good!"

But Severus didn't change his opinion: "I hate this plan…"

~ ~ ~

As they walked up the mountain to Hogwarts, Severus suddenly stopped. Bellatrix only noticed after a while and stopped then too. She looked back and asked, "What's the matter?!"

"He's dating girls…"

The girl blinked, not knowing what he meant. "Who?"

"Black."

"…and?" She didn't really see the problem.

"You said he's got a crush on me. When he's got a crush on me, then why is he dating girls?!" His look was almost superior, but also relieved. He hated the thought that Black had fallen in love with him. But he became uncertain as Bellatrix shook her head with that terrible, knowing smile. 

"Sev, Sev, you don't know the mind of a loving Black. Of course he's dating girls. He has a reputation to lose. He can't confide he loves a boy in front of the whole school. That would be his social downfall." 

The Slytherin thought for a moment. "That means, when I've got this goddamn letter back, I can make him ridiculous…" An evil smile appeared on his face. The girl just sighed.

"You can be real cruel…"

But this didn't bother Severus. Coldly he said, "It's his own fault. I'll just pay back my dues."

~ ~ ~

At dinner they sat once more on their chairs, observing the Gryffindor table. Bellatrix noticed Lily glaring at her from time to time, clinging at James' arm as if she wanted to symbolize he was hers. 

"For someone who didn't want to have anything to do with him the first six years, she's really possessive…"

"Huh?" 

"Evans… she's clinging at Potter as if he was the only not swinging ship in a rough sea…"

Severus just shrugged. "Mudbloods, don't know what they really want…"

"Yeah… possibly…"

They ate their meals. Well, Bellatrix ate;  Severus just picked at his food. She noticed finally.

"What's the matter?"

He sighed. "I don't know… but… I've got the feeling there's something in your plan that won't work."

"Whow, stop it, Sev! My plan is perfect. It hasn't any failing!" 

He looked at her and grumbled something incomprehensible. He wasn't really convinced. 

~ ~ ~

The next morning Bellatrix was the first at the house table, already buttering her toast. Suddenly Severus sat down beside her, looking straight at her with a very ominous look on his face. 

"You said your plan hasn't any failing!?"

Because of his strange tone and behaviour she hesitated. 

"… yeah…"

"Sure?!"

"…yeah…"

"Well. Then consider this: we'll sit in the library and talk about which topics he's going to teach me. What will he do?"

"Uhm… propose some ones?!" His calmness made her afraid. 

"Yeah. And how will he know every single topic we had in term?"

"He will look into the directory."

"Yeah. And just for knowing it: do you remember where the letter is?!"

"… in the book?!" Slowly, she got the feeling he was mocking her.

"_Where_ in the book?"

"In the directo- … Oh!" Her eyes got wide. 

"Yeah, really a fantastic plan you made…" His whole appearance was full of sarcasm and as reluctant as she was, she had to confess this was a very heavy failing in her plan… 

~ ~ ~

They discussed the whole morning what they could do, but neither of them had an idea they both liked and which could maybe work. At lunch Severus was totally apathetic.

"I'm dead..." His eyes were strangely wide, with a look which could make everybody afraid. 

"Stop saying such dumb things... it won't be Armageddon," Bellatrix said by the way, no longer concerned about her friend. 

"Come sweet death... come to me..."

The girl rolled her eyes. 

"Perhaps it isn't too bad..."

Bellatrix blinked at the sudden change of opinion, but didn't ask for its causes. She was relieved he had given up his suicide phase.

"I said it all the time. It won't be as bad as you think."

"Yeah, I heard death can be redemptive..."

Bellatrix resigned.

~ ~ ~

At quarter to two, Bellatrix and Severus sneaked through the corridors in the first floor. In fact, Bellatrix was sneaking and pulling her friend behind. 

"What are we doing?"

She made him quiet with a hiss. "We'll intercept them."

"And then?"

"We'll take the book."

"How?"

"Dunno... anyway..."

"WHAT? What's this? Your new plan?!" To Bellatrix's anger, he was shouting and she hissed back through clenched teeth,

"Yes it is, and now be quiet or they'll hear us."

Severus was still shocked despite he didn't shout anymore.

"That's even worse than your last one..."

"Oh, then why you didn't make one yourself?!" At the look in her eyes you could see she was angry now, but the boy didn't bother. He was angry, too.

"I _had_ a plan! _You_ made me drop it!"

"Your plan was knocking him out and taking the book!"

"Yes, and?"

"What do you think they would have done? They would have pursued you and finally got the letter!"

"And? In the end it will be just this way. Or do you have a better idea than knocking him out and taking the letter?!"

Bellatrix opened her mouth for the next argument, but there was none. He was right. They had no other choice than doing it right this way, except... She forced herself not to grin. Otherwise Severus would become suspicious. She just sighed and pulled him with.

~ ~ ~

Finally, they stood at a crossing on the first floor, once more peering around the corner. On the other side they could see James and Sirius. They seemed to argue, but they spoke too quietly to overhear them.

"So, and what we'll do now?"

"Okay, you distract him and I'll take the book!"

Severus hoisted an eyebrow. "How shall I distract him so that you can get the book?!"

"Dunno... kiss him or something…"

"WHAT?!"

"Ah, then think of something better..." And with these words she pushed him onto the crossing.

"… I hate _this_ plan, too…" he muttered under his breath before he took the last steps to Sirius, who had also been pushed onto the crossing. 

"Hi..."

"Hi..."

If somebody had come the way and seen them, he wouldn't have thought that this should be something like a date. In fact, it looked like a final talk before the war began. 

"Where's your book?" Sirius' blue eyes flashed over Severus, trying to find the book. The Slytherin didn't answer but patted his bag he put on. 

"Yours?"

"Also." Sirius, too, patted his bag. 

For what were only seconds, but which seemed to both like hours, they were standing there in silence, neither of them knowing what to say. Severus' mind was working, considering what he should do to contradict the other boy. Bellatrix's suggestion flashed several times, but he banned it as fast as he could. He would _never_ kiss Sirius Black! He would kiss any other girl, any other boy, but not _him_! 

Sirius' mind seemed to work as hard as Severus' and he too seemed to fight a battle – and whatever won, Severus could tell seeing the look in the blue eyes that he didn't like it. 

"Severus..." His name sounded strange out of the other boy's mouth, but stranger - and more frightening - was that Sirius closed the distance between them. Then he raised his hands, but stopped before touching the Slytherin. The Gryffindor looked into the black eyes of the other one. This one wanted to look away, but he wasn't able to. Because of this or perhaps some other reason he didn't know, Sirius finally grabbed him and before Severus could do anything against he felt Sirius' lips on his.

~ ~ ~

He should have committed suicide. Jumped from the Astronomy Tower. Cut his carotid. Drunk a deadly potion. Something like this... But no! He had to fight. He had to try to bring back his goddamn book! He had to listen to Bellatrix! He had to follow her goddamn plan! And what was the result?! To what had it all lead?! HE WAS KISSING SIRIUS BLACK!

Severus wanted to cry, to run away, kill himself, but then he thought over the whole thing. Not he would die, oh no! Somebody else would die for this. And he knew who! But first she had to take his book. And to make this possible he had to distract the Gryffindor. 

Severus sighed in his mind and did the only thing he could do in this situation: kiss back!

~ ~ ~

Bellatrix observed the whole scene behind her corner and was already despairing as Severus didn't do something, but for Merlin's sake, her cousin took the lead. 

After she was sure Sirius was distracted enough, she sneaked around the corner and behind Severus. She made sure that the Gryffindor had his eyes closed, then pulled her Transfiguration book out of her robe. She would interchange it with the one in Sirius' bag and it would be all done. But she had to be careful. Sirius mustn't notice. 

The girl took a look around Severus, not without glaring up and grinning. She wouldn't lean around, just stretch her arm, open the bag and interchange the books. 

While Sirius and Severus still kissed as if it were the last time - she still grinned - she started her plan and although she didn't see the whole action because she only took a look from time to time, she somehow got the book out of her cousin's bag. 

She suppressed a triumphant cry and then tried to put her book in the bag. But half the way she collided with something. She froze. What if Sirius had noticed? But a look above showed her the still kissing boys.

Blinking and puzzled she leaned around - and was looking straight into James' eyes. He had a Transfiguration book in his hands and as she followed his gaze, she saw Severus' open bag. Within a second she understood. Just like the boy with the glasses. 

Both Bellatrix and James began to giggle.

"Oh, we just wanted the book." James waved it aside, not able to say more because of his giggle. The girl had also some problems speaking properly. 

"Yeah, we did, too."

With very big grins and suppressing their laughter they looked up. Severus' and Sirius' lips were still pressed together but both of them were frozen. There eyes got wider and wider as they finally understood and within fractions of a second they stomped apart with disgust. Unfortunately, their best friends knelt on all fours behind them, and both black heads stumbled and made a harmful crash on the floor. 

"I know why I hated this plan!" they cried out in unison, and then took flight in different directions straight to a bathroom. Meanwhile Bellatrix and James were lying on the floor and were in danger of dying of laughter. 

~ ~ ~

After a while the Slytherin girl and the Gryffindor boy were able to breathe and speak normally again, although tears of laughter were running down their cheeks. 

"Let me guess," James said as they stood up, the books in their hands. "A letter from the Ministry concerning a contraceptive survey?"

First Bellatrix was puzzled that he knew, then she nodded with a renewed laughing fit, as she understood that Sirius just got the same letter. 

And then they left to look for their best friends, each of them not able to suppress their laughing.

~ ~ ~

_"He's got a crush on you!" _

Bellatrix leaned against the door of the toilet cabin Severus was in, still laughing so hard she couldn't be huffy because of his imitating. 

_"We should take advantage of his feelings for you!"_

She sank to her knees, the tears flowing once more.

_"That's the best plan ever."_

She had the feeling she would choke. 

"Oh, I don't believe I've done this..."

A new vomiting interrupted his complaining. Severus was hanging over the toilet, throwing up everything he ate the last hours but not feeling better behind. He would never feel better with this terrible memory… 

"I should make myself a Forgetting potion..."

Bellatrix still laughed. 

"Ah, shut up for Merlin's sake!" he hissed, but because of his croaking voice he couldn't fear her.  "I don't think that's funny..."

She waited till he had thrown up once more, then said, trying with much effort not to laugh too much, but her sentence was interrupted by several giggles:

"Oh, Sev... I can't help... I'm a girl... I like kissing boys!"

His angered face made her laugh once more. 

"I hate you for that," he said soberly. The girl didn't care.

"I know..." 

"You'll pay for this..." He looked angrier than ever before. But it was too funny; the girl still didn't care.

"I know..."

Severus just grumbled.

Some minutes passed in silence. Well, neither of them said anything, but you could hear the noise of Severus throwing up und Bellatrix's laughter. 

"You know what?" the girl began finally.

"What?" His voice was cold.

"I could have also distracted him in the library after both of you had laid down your books and you could have interchanged them."

Severus collapsed.

~ ~ ~

In another toilet at the other end of the school a similar discussion took place. Sirius hung over the washing basin, scrubbing his mouth with water, soap and everything else he could find. James sat on the floor, leaning against the wall and also laughing so hard that tears ran down his cheeks. 

"You said, _'He's got a crush on you.' "_

He took a mouth of water, then spit it out.

"You said, _'That's good, we can take advantage of his feelings!' "_

Once more the same procedure. 

"You said, _'That plan can't do anything but work!' "_

He took a piece of soap and rubbed it over his lips.

"That's not funny!"

But James didn't seem to stop laughing soon. 

"I hate you for this..." His tone was sober.

"I know..."

"You'll pay for this..." His voice was cold.

"I know..." 

Sirius just grumbled and went on with disinfecting his mouth. 

~ ~ ~

Both pairs, Sirius and James as well as Severus and Bellatrix, stayed in the toilets the whole day: two vomiting and scrubbing their mouths, the other two laughing so hard that their stomachs hurt, but they didn't care. 

And although the blue-eyed Gryffindor and the black-haired Slytherin hated each other and had very different worldviews, in this moment they were of the same opinion...:

"I'll kill you for that!"

... just as their friends were: "I know, but when I die, I die happy!"

~The End~


End file.
